Lost Hopes

Since I was a child I always wanted to be a mommy. Like most little girls I adored my baby dolls and at all the family gatherings I helped out with my infant cousins and loved it. From age 12 I became the neighborhood babysitter and at 16 worked part time at our local day care. For many years I wanted to have a baby and when I finally found my life partner Martha who shared the same dream, there were limitations. Since we are both females fertility treatment would have to be the way since adoption is outlawed for same sex couples in Florida. Which seems ridiculous considering we have raised 2 fine teenage boys who any person could verify their character, compassion, and educational achievement. Nevertheless we waited and waited for an opportunity and then in a new position I actually got insurance that covered about 1 try of in vitro per lifetime. I approached Martha about it and she was happy and we got excited and nervous. Then I went through the injections, retrieval, and transfer of 3 embryos. Then the waiting came only to find out that we were going to have triplets we were shocked, excited, and so happy…I thanked God every day and night. Our dreams were going to come true multiplied times 3. We had to wait about 3 to 4 weeks more until our first visit to the high risk OBGYN and we were so eager and then the day came. When we went to have the ultrasound we saw and were told that 2 of the 3 babies did not make it past 8 weeks and 1 was healthy as a horse. We were in shock, grieved, and yet had to feel blessed for the one surviving baby. I loved all 3 of my unborn babies and now I had one left to do everything right to protect her, yes later we found out we were to blessed with a little girl. I will not get into the specifics of how baby Kylie was lost as that is not the purpose of this entry. I will say that our baby girl came early and lived from 6:40am until 8:05am on April 1st, 2008 at 21weeks and 3 days gestational age. I finally became a mother but never heard my baby cry, never held her while she was alive, and will never be able to watch her grow up. My family and I have struggled so much emotionally and feel so robbed. Our strong faith has been the only comfort to know our precious angel Kylie Alyssa Cruz is now an angel in heaven. I never knew how much love I could have and how much pain I could feel. I love you my daughter and I pray that someday somehow God will bless us with a brother or sister for you to look over. Until we meet again my tiny angel your mommies love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! So does Grandma and Grandpa!